It’s been hot our west. So hot that weathermen now describe the day’s temperatures as either broil or bake. It reached a scorching 127 in death valley. To put this in perspective, I once read in a fire safety manual that air around 160 degrees or above could vaporize your lungs. We’re not that far off.

In Phoenix, it was so hot that many airplane flights had to be cancelled. The reason? It seems that since internal combustion engines rely on temperature disparity to produce thrust, at high temperatures it reduces the amount of lift that’s possible, making it harder for planes to get off the ground. When even our machines are saying, “Screw this” and refusing to work, you know it’s hot.

How hot is it?

1. It’s so hot that when you give your kids a Popsicle to cool off, it becomes a race against the clock to get the wrapper off before it turns into a water-sicle.
2. It’s so hot that if you manage the first feat, by the time the kids are through, they’ll be wearing more of the Popsicle than they’ll have eaten.
3. It’s so hot that for once, grandma has an excuse for acting senile.
4. On that note, so do you.
5. It’s so hot that if you walk to your car in the midday sun and then take a selfie, send it to your family up north, and tell them you just finished running a marathon, they’ll believe you.
6. It’s so hot that cats don’t protest if you throw them in the pool.
7. It’s so hot that if you set you toddlers outside on a plastic bag and leave them for 10 minutes they’ll create their own kiddie pool.

So stay cool!